my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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