Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize