I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
