The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize