If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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