Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
