i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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