Sry I called you an 8
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
