i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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