he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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