I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
