But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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