someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
