Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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