I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
