If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize