I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
