she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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