Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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