and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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