I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
