You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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