Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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