$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
