i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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