i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
