This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
