i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
