Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
