I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
