Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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