Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
