My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
