he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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