those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
