Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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