You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
