u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize