I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
