Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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