im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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