Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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