Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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