anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize