i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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