Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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