i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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