my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
