I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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