The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
