listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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