ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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