I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize