FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
