Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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