i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
do nipples grow back?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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