I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
