Having a random hookup so left but love u
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
