and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
