walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
