If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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