the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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