Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize