I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize