he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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