Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
