I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
