To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Houston, we have a squirter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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