I'm jealous of your bromance
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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