K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
