No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
