i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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