No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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