i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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