Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
