my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this boner is exhausting
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
