First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
