Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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