Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
