why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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