There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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