my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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