Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
