i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
