It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
