The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
