i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
