Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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